Overstimulation

Too many sounds in the background, too much noise, even in the quietest corners.

Too many objects laying around. Too many people passing by. Too much light flashing in every direction. 

Too many emotions trickling through my chest.

It's tiring.

It's tiring to feel every emotion of mine. It's tiring when you add to it every emotion of those I care for. It's tiring to feel on behalf of others and it's tiring to feel the guilt of trying not feel for them.

I would pay to live a day while not giving a shit about no one. I would pay to rest from this overstimulation of processing every action and feeling of every single person who crosses my path. It's taking its toll on me and I can't see to find someone who understands how does it feel to live while being affected by the slightest change in your environment. 

I want to have a break from feeling the hurt of a waiter who has just been mistreated, from feeling the fear of a young girl walking alone on the street looking in every direction and pacing her footsteps with the beats of her pounding heart.

A break from feeling the anxiety on behalf of a young boy who has just recently learnt how to drive and dreading the pressure put on him by the speeding cars with their flashlights and non stopping honks, or the stress of a new employee who has been late for his job and fearing the repercussions of this slight delay on the positive impression he has worked tirelessly to implant. 

I didn't choose to notice all of that but I can't seem to be able to stope all of these observations from rushing into my head and sparking instant feeling that piles up with other feelings registered during the day.

I am overstimulated and I need to learn how to give myself the space needed to declutter.